


forever in a lifetime

by haikyuutrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Graduation Day, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:28:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24159652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuutrash/pseuds/haikyuutrash
Summary: The reason this day felt different --- the reason it was different --- was that Kuroo was graduating and this was the last time they’d be able to walk to school together. With what would happen at the ceremony and such, Kenma wasn’t even sure they’d be walking back home together.###It's Kuroo's graduation day and Kenma isn't ready to let go yet.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86
Collections: Kuroken fic recommendations





	forever in a lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> yikes i honestly dk why i wrote this HAHAHAH just that my friend sent me a tiktok about kuroo's graduation and i got emo and yeah this happened
> 
> anyway, enjoy!! <3

The walk to school felt different from before. But perhaps, that was no surprise. With his hands in his pockets, Kenma walked silently beside Kuroo, subconsciously matching the pace of their footsteps. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he’d walked to school without his game console in his hands, if there was even such a time at all. His feet shuffled lightly against the ground and his gaze remained on the pavement ahead. It hardly felt like a walk to school anymore. It felt like something _final_ , like it was the last time he’d be doing this.

And really, it was.

The reason this day felt different --- the reason it _was_ different --- was that Kuroo was graduating and this was the last time they’d be able to walk to school together. With what would happen at the ceremony and such, Kenma wasn’t even sure they’d be walking back home together.

“Kenma, you alright?” Kuroo asked, as if he’d read Kenma’s thoughts.

Kenma lifted his head and looked at Kuroo. “...Yeah.”

“You know, I’m surprised you don’t have your game console out today,” he said, sounding curious. “Ran out of battery?”

“No,” Kenma replied, staring back at the ground ahead. “It’s just...today’s _special_.”

Special, but not exactly in a good way. Kenma found himself hoping that this was a dream and he’d wake up at the start of his second year again without having to worry about Kuroo leaving. But then again, he’d only get here sooner or later eventually. Maybe it would be better to get it over quickly, even if Kenma knew it wouldn’t be pleasant.

“I guess you’re right...we don’t have much time left together.” Kuroo’s words made it seem like a goodbye, something _final_ that could never be undone. He made it seem like they’d really be separated forever, which was a possibility that Kenma would rather not think about.

“I’ll miss this,” Kenma admitted, so quietly that if Kuroo hadn’t been listening, he’d have missed it. Kenma wasn’t someone who often made his feelings known, but this time, he decided that at the very least, he’d have to let Kuroo know that he liked them walking to school together, just to let Kuroo know that he enjoyed his company.

Beside him, he heard Kuroo sigh. “Yeah...I’ll miss walking to school with you.” Their footsteps slowed, as though it would give them more time. “Even if you don’t talk to me sometimes,” Kuroo said, “it’s still nice being with you.”

A warm feeling surged through Kenma’s body. “...It’s nice being with you too.” Perhaps that was a severe understatement.

Somewhere up ahead, Kenma could see the school gates wide open and the whole campus decorated with balloons and flowers. For the first time ever, he wished that time could stop, or that by some miracle, they’d never reach the gates. All Kenma wanted was to walk with Kuroo for a little longer.

“We’re here,” Kuroo said, and though Kenma knew it was only a fact, he didn’t like hearing it out loud. “I’ll meet you at the usual place after the ceremony?”

Kenma couldn’t understand why he seemed uncertain of that. _Of course_ Kenma would want to meet him to go home together one last time. That was, if Kuroo wanted to do the same. “Yeah,” Kenma replied, “sure.” He stood where he was awkwardly for a few seconds before noticing Kuroo’s classmates walking over. “I’ll see you later, then,” Kenma said quickly, then turned around and began walking to his classroom.

###

Kenma couldn’t concentrate during his lessons. They weren’t learning much anyway, since it was the last day of the school year. In a few hours, classes would be stopped for the graduation ceremony and then there would be time after for the third years to say their farewells. His eyes were fixed on the clock, barely registering anything as the teacher’s voice continued to drone past his ears.

Even after hours had passed, he was still clinging onto the hope that he’d wake up and find himself in his bed, looking at the calendar with a date from a year ago. Maybe it was pathetic of him to feel like this. Was this what being overdependent felt like? But Kenma wasn’t _depending_ on Kuroo. It was more like something else he couldn’t describe. He _wanted_ Kuroo to stay, so that they could stay the best friends like they were and wouldn’t have to part.

He aggressively shoved his pen back into his pencil case, letting out a frustrated sigh. What was he supposed to do? Tell Kuroo to stay? No matter how much he wanted to do that, he knew it wasn’t possible. He had to move on, just as Kuroo would. _Just as Kuroo would._ Thinking about that only made his heart sink. They were only in high school, after all. It was a small part of their lives, the small part of Kuroo’s that Kenma would be in. But even something as short as a few years, meant more than that to Kenma. He could swear that he’d never forget these years. If only, Kuroo could feel the same.

Ten years --- that was how long he’d been with Kuroo. If someone built a time machine and threw Kenma inside, sending him back to that time he first met Kuroo, he wouldn’t mind it at all. In fact, he’d thank them, and then he’d live those years again. Kenma could still remember the time he’d first played volleyball with Kuroo, as if it were yesterday. The passing of time felt like a blur and the years played in Kenma’s head like scenes of a movie.

Kuroo had promised that even after he went to college, he’d still come back to visit Kenma. To Kenma, however, that wouldn’t be the same. Once Kuroo left, he’d make new friends, new _best_ friends, and then slowly, Kenma would fall on the ladder of importance to him. He relaxed his fingers, realising that he’d subconsciously been clutching onto fistfuls of his jacket. Why did things have to be like this? Couldn’t he have come in at a later part of Kuroo’s life, one that would _last_?

Kenma felt a gentle nudge and when he looked up, he found that most of his class had already left for the ceremony. “We have to go now,” his classmate informed him, then walked away to join some others, leaving Kenma alone. Alone, just like he’d be soon. Maybe it was time he got used to this.

He stood up, quietly exhaling a breath he’d been unknowingly holding before tugging his jacket tighter over his shoulders and following behind his classmates to the amphitheatre where the ceremony would be held.

###

Cheers erupted around the amphitheatre and Kenma, who’d been watching in complete silence, found a small frown finding its way onto his face. No, he wasn’t upset that Kuroo was graduating. He was upset because Kuroo was graduating _and he wasn’t_. Kenma could only blame that one-year gap between them for that.

Kenma wasn’t clingy, or at least he didn’t believe so. But there was something about him and Kuroo that he wasn’t ready to let go of. Or perhaps, something he was still waiting on. Part of him thought he should play it calm, to just pretend that he wasn’t affected by Kuroo’s graduation at all. How long he could hold up that act for was something he wasn’t sure about.

Around him, the crowd of students began to scatter and reform around the third years. He squinted his eyes, trying to find where Kuroo was. Kenma guessed that he’d be around the other third years in the volleyball team, though he wasn’t exactly sure where they would be. His gaze landed on Kuroo not long after, because with that bed head of his, it wasn’t that difficult to spot him.

Kuroo seemed to be alone, probably because he hadn’t found the others yet. Or maybe, the hopeful side of Kenma thought, he was purposely waiting for Kenma. With a small smile at that thought, Kenma quickened his footsteps.

Then as he got closer, he came to a halt. A group of girls had come over to where Kuroo was, gathering in front of him. There were five of them, if Kenma had counted it right. He bit his lip gently. What were _they_ doing with Kuroo? He got a few clearer looks at their faces as he moved to hide a short distance away, watching the scene unfold from the side. Kuroo appeared to be unaware of Kenma’s presence and for some reason, it made Kenma feel upset. He kicked the inside of his foot, reminding himself that Kuroo’s life didn’t revolve around him.

He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but Kenma could see what was happening. The girls seemed to be talking to him in a way that Kenma certainly didn’t like, but even then, he couldn’t tell what they were after. Maybe it was a bit much to decide they were after something, just because they were talking to Kuroo. They did look awfully familiar, though Kenma couldn’t pinpoint where it was that he’d seen them before. Perhaps at a match?

Ah, yes. Kenma recalled that at the match when they lost to Karasuno, those five girls were in the stands amongst the audience, cheering the team on. That was a good thing, and it was nice to have support, _except_ that they’d seemed to be eyeing Kuroo. Kenma didn’t like that at all. And the more he looked at the six of them talking, the more obvious it became that the girls kept throwing glances at Kuroo’s uniform, specifically the part where the second button of his jacket was.

_Oh._

The second button --- that was it. Kenma gritted his teeth at the thought of those girls thinking Kuroo was going to give that button to them. But it was tradition, wasn’t it? And with so many people to choose from, Kenma couldn’t help but believe Kuroo was going to give it to someone by the end of the day.

It was common for the male third years to give the second button of their uniform to one of the female students, as an act of confessing their love since the second button was the closest to one’s heart. Of course, Nekoma’s uniform wasn’t the typical one like most schools, so somewhere along the way, someone had tweaked the practice from the uniform’s button to the one on the jacket.

 _Don’t give it,_ Kenma pleaded Kuroo in his head. Because if he watched Kuroo give it away to one of those students, he’d really feel like it was over for him and Kuroo was leaving him behind.

Kuroo seemed to have realised what they were looking at, and he slowly reached to his chest, taking out the button gently. Kenma felt his heart stop, leaving him staring helplessly as Kuroo closed his fingers over the button in his palm. The girls were staring at him in anticipation and Kenma felt his mind screaming at him to stop looking.

So he did. Kenma turned and started walking away, each of his footsteps increasing in speed. It was only when he made it to the staircase, where it was absolutely empty, that he stopped. Kenma leaned his back against the wall. He shouldn’t be _that_ upset. He should be happy for Kuroo, that he had someone he liked. The more Kenma thought about it, the more Kenma realised that he shouldn’t have walked away. Kuroo was his _best friend_ and Kenma was supposed to walk over, to join him, and to wish him and whoever the lucky recipient of his confession was all the best for their relationship. But Kenma couldn’t seem to drag himself back to where Kuroo was. He didn’t want to watch Kuroo confess to someone or even possibly _kiss_ someone. Somehow, that thought scared him.

Maybe it was because Kenma wanted the second button for himself.

Slowly, he began to understand. The reason he wasn’t willing to let Kuroo go wasn’t that Kuroo was his best friend. It was that Kenma wanted Kuroo to be _more_ than that, because Kenma didn’t just want to be a part of Kuroo’s past.

 _Stupid, pathetic, irritating,_ he scolded himself, tilting his head back till the back of his skull hit lightly against the wall. All this while, he’d taken Kuroo’s presence for granted, until the last moment when he was about to lose him. It felt a little like he was somewhat exaggerating this, but to have all his feelings rushing at him when it was _too late_ , hurt more than anything.

Kenma regretted not talking to Kuroo more, instead of always gaming on the way to school and back home. Kenma regretted not going along whenever Kuroo invited him to go for a meal or shopping for volleyball shoes, instead of staying at home to finish another level of his video game. Kenma regretted not playing volleyball with Kuroo during the weekends, instead of sleeping in and idling in bed. If he got the chance, Kenma decided, he wouldn’t just go back to the beginning. He’d change several things, such as spending more time with Kuroo so he wouldn’t regret as much as he did now.

But now, there was no turning back.

With his back against the wall, he slid down till he was seated on the floor and brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and resting his forehead on his kneecaps. He didn’t care about the students that walked past, staring sympathetically at him and listening to his quiet sobs echoing around the staircase. He’d never realised how much things meant to him until he’d realised they would be gone soon. He couldn’t deny that it was a wake-up call that he needed, but he wished it’d come earlier when he still had time left.

“Kenma.”

At the sounds of a way too familiar voice, Kenma’s body went completely still. He stopped shaking and subtly wiped his eyes dry before tilting his head up to look at who had spoken, even though he didn’t need to see who it was to match that voice to someone. “...Kuro.” He made eye contact for no more than a split second before lowering his head again.

There was a high chance that Kuroo was staring weirdly at him now, wondering what Kenma was doing, breaking down at the staircase during the graduation ceremony. Kenma felt his cheeks turn red with embarrassment. Of all ways he could have made his last impression on Kuroo, he just _had_ to end up like this. Pathetic, indeed.

“Why did you run away?” Kuroo asked, in a voice that sounded both concerned and disappointed, but not demanding at all.

Kenma stood up, regaining his composure and wiping the residue of tears on his face away. “Run away?”

“I saw you, Kenma,” Kuroo said firmly. “You were there, watching me. And then you just...left.” Kenma remained silent. There was a quiet pause before Kuroo spoke again. “ _Why_?”

Kenma wrapped a loose thread at the hem of his uniform vest around his finger and tugged at it. “I didn’t want to disturb you,” he mumbled, softly and nearly inaudibly, as if he’d hoped Kuroo wouldn’t hear him.

But Kuroo heard it. “Why would you be disturbing me?” he asked. His tone was uncertain and Kenma dared not look at him in the eye. “Kenma, I...was waiting for you.”

The thread snapped, still wrapped around Kenma’s finger for a few more seconds before loosening itself and drifting to the floor. Kuroo had been waiting for him? “The girls...” Kenma started, unsure how to explain himself without sounding like he was overly clingy or had a crush on Kuroo because he most certainly _didn’t_. ~~At this point, who was he kidding?~~ “You were talking to them...and...”

 _And the button,_ Kenma thought. But in the end, that was Kuroo’s choice. Kenma was in no position to talk about that and he didn’t exactly want to think about it either. Kuroo had given him a great past ten years that he’d never forget and whatever Kuroo wanted to do after that was honestly none of Kenma’s business.

“They were supporters of the volleyball team,” Kuroo tried to explain, “and they were only wishing me the best for the future. Kenma, I swear there is nothing between us beyond that and---”

“There’s no need to explain anything to me,” Kenma cut him off with a half-hearted smile. He didn’t want Kuroo to feel obliged to be with him. “I wish you all the best too.”

Kuroo looked at Kenma, as though he had something to say. However, all that came out was a simple ‘thank you’ before another extended length of silence. “Should we start walking home?” Kuroo asked hesitantly, and not knowing any better, Kenma nodded.

###

“So...how was the ceremony?” Kuroo finally asked, breaking the silence as they sat next to each other on the subway.

“I don’t know,” Kenma said monotonously. “ _You’re_ the one who graduated, so you should be telling me.” Immediately after he’d spoken, Kenma regretted his words. Shouldn’t he be talking to Kuroo as much as possible? “I mean...it was cool.”

Kuroo chuckled lightly, sending a fluttery feeling throughout Kenma’s body. “Since you asked, I did enjoy it. The atmosphere was pretty cool, and the aesthetic. But...” His voice trailed off, not returning even after seconds.

“But?” Kenma urged, trying to get Kuroo to finish his sentence.

Kuroo looked at the floor of the subway. “...Nothing.”

Hugging his bag to his chest, Kenma didn’t say anything in response. It wasn’t like this kind of quiet was anything unusual. Any other day, he’d have taken out his game console and started playing. Any other day, this wouldn’t have bothered him _at all_. However, the fact that this was happening on the last time they’d take the train home together, made Kenma disheartened. This was in no way Kuroo’s fault, since he was only being his usual self. It was _Kenma_ , who’d suddenly decided that he wanted to change. Only that he’d taken too long to decide.

His downcast thoughts were pulling down on him, like a weight in his heart. It was less than an hour before they’d reach home, less than an hour for him to try and _change_ whatever he could still change. “Kuro,” he said quietly, “how was your day?”

Kuroo appeared to be greatly surprised by the question and looked at Kenma. One couldn’t blame him for that, since Kenma had _never_ asked that before. Not that Kenma never cared about how he was doing, but he’d always make a guess for himself, like that time when Kuroo’s team lost a match in primary school. This time, Kenma wanted _Kuroo_ to tell him about it.

“It was _good_ , I guess.” A simple answer, but it didn’t sound like it was coming from Kuroo’s heart. After so many years spent together, Kenma couldn’t help but see through Kuroo’s facade.

Kenma tried to string his words into a sentence, one that wouldn’t sound awkward in any way. “Are you...happy? About graduation, I mean.”

“Happy?” Kuroo leaned against the back of the seat as the subway began to travel to its next stop. “I guess I’m happy that I’m graduating and going to college, except that...there are things I’m not ready to leave behind.”

With a hopeful feeling, Kenma asked, “Like what?”

And just as he’d hoped, Kuroo replied, “You.”

Kenma tried to hide the small smile taking over his face. “...Really?”

“I’ve been with you for years,” Kuroo said with a quiet sigh. “It’s not something I’d just... _forget_ like that. I’ll miss lots of things we do together, but I guess...everything good has to come to an end.” He cracked a playful smile. “Don’t miss me too much, ‘kay?”

For a moment, Kenma felt the world stop around him, because _damn_ , that smile was something he’d miss too. “I won’t,” he said, even if he was sure he wouldn’t be keeping his word. An awkward silence took over again, but this time, Kenma decided that having Kuroo’s company was good enough for him.

###

Their footsteps were the loudest sounds to Kenma as they neared their houses, just one more turn at the end of the street. There was still so much Kenma wanted to say, though he knew that it wouldn’t be the last time he saw Kuroo, since the now graduated third year was only leaving for college in a few months. But by that time, things wouldn’t feel the same anymore.

“Kuro,” he finally found enough of his voice to say, at the moment when they arrived outside of Kenma’s house. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Kuroo stopped walking and stood facing Kenma. There was a look of anticipation on his face and he seemed like he was waiting for something. “Go ahead,” he said with a curious and expectant look.

What he was expecting, Kenma didn’t know. But he did know that he had lots to tell Kuroo. _I like you,_ he wanted to say, _please don’t forget about me._ Yet, even something as simple as a few words like that felt like too much to ask for. A fraction of him worried that he shouldn’t confess, because after all, Kuroo already had someone. His mind wandered back to the girls after the graduation ceremony and he felt his heart clench.

No, he couldn’t be so selfish.

“I...Kuro, I...” he stumbled over his words, unscripted in his head. “Thank you,” he said, after what seemed like forever. There was a wave of emotions in his words, harbouring every feeling of gratitude or anything else he’d ever had towards Kuroo, that he’d never found the courage to say out loud. “Thank you for the past ten years and for...” _...always being there for me._ But his voice cut itself off, fading into the silence before his sentence was finished. Even at the last moment, he still couldn’t say it.

Unable to get another word out, Kenma could only bow slightly, hoping that was enough to express everything he’d wanted to say. “...Kenma,” he heard Kuroo say and felt a gentle tap on his shoulder.

Kenma didn’t move.

“ _Kenma._ ” It was only then that the second year stood upright again. His eyes were mildly wet with the beginning stage of tears and honestly, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold them in. Kuroo looked at him dead in the eye, but when he spoke, his voice came out soft. “Close your eyes and hold out your hand.”

With nothing left to lose, Kenma obeyed. He could feel Kuroo holding onto his wrist to keep his hand steady, before prying his fingers open and pressing something into his palm. Kenma opened his eyes, noticing something small and round within his grasp. Was that...

“Kuro, why are you giving me this?”

In his hand was a small button, one from the jacket of Nekoma’s school uniform. Hadn’t he given it to one of the girls? Still, Kuroo only smiled and closed Kenma’s fingers over the button before letting go of his wrist.

“Didn’t you give it to one of the girls?” Kenma asked quietly, looking through the gaps between his fingers and at the small metal in his hand.

Kuroo shook his head. “Why would I?”

Kenma shrugged. “I thought...”

“ _That’s_ why you left?” the third year asked, sounding as if in disbelief. When Kenma nodded subtly, Kuroo sighed and continued, “Kenma, I’d never thought of giving it to anyone but you. I only took it out to tell them that...it already belonged to someone.” Towards the end of his sentence, his words had faded into near inaudibility.

“You do know what it means if you give me this, right...?” Kenma hesitantly asked, as though he worried that Kuroo would regret it if he knew that it was a confession of love. “This...”

“It means that I love you,” Kuroo cut in before Kenma could finish speaking. There was a dash of red under his eyes. “Kenma, if you’ll let me, I promise that I’ll---”

Without waiting for him to finish, Kenma took a step forward and hugged him, the small button still tightly enclosed in his fist. He closed his eyes, letting whatever tears had gathered fall out, but no new ones form because there wasn’t a reason to cry anymore. Kuroo was here, and he wasn’t leaving Kenma behind.

Promises could wait, because as far as Kenma knew, they still had forever left. Forever, compressed into a lifetime. And maybe, that was really enough.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it uwu
> 
> if you have the time, do drop a comment to tell me what you think
> 
> // i wrote this listening to the same song on repeat---
> 
> my tumblr --> ([x](https://hq-iteza.tumblr.com/))


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